Blankets in Brazil

One of my close friends once told me that if I ever die she wants my wooden chest. Nope, that didn't offend me, because, yup, we are that close. The chest is currently in my living room, filled with winter blankets and some Christmas paraphernalia. It's a red-stained wooden chest with peacock's carved all around it. I love this chest. It is useless, whimsical, and lovely.

My friend told me that it would make a great hope chest. I have heard people talk about hope chests, but never had a strong grip on what exactly they are for. Hope, I assumed, but in the form of what? She told me that in the olden days women would fill the chest with things that they would need after they got married, often times filling it with handmade items like baby clothes (amongst other things). Then I realized that I had, in a way, already begun my own hope chest.

A month after the devastating news I got from the doctor, we traveled to Brazil. It had been 6 years since we had last been there. A shame, a terrible shame. But that is how life is sometimes. The last time we were there my sister-in-law was pregnant. Six years passed and we still hadn't met our niece, who we had heard was a riot. So there we were, finally in Brazil for 3 wonderful weeks.

I brought some yarn, hooks, and needles with me to work on some projects while we were there. I had just re-learned how to knit and wanted to try out a pattern for a baby blanket, and since it seemed that the entire world was conceiving simultaneously, I figured I would certainly have someone I would be able to give it to.

Over those three weeks I worked on that blanket, and I cried allot, thinking about my own fertility struggles. I shared my sorrows with my sister-in-law (who was so sweet and kind to me), and I found that as I unraveled the yarn and my thoughts, I gained clarity. I knew who this blanket was for. It was for me, for my baby, for the little one I would one day meet. When we came home in August, I folded the blanket up and put it away. Here it is below.

It is heather-gray, made out of cotton yarn, and is made in a simple basket-weave style. Makes a pretty nice shawl. But I don't use it as one. It sits in a basket, where I store the other small things I have been gathering and collecting for my little one. Things like cloth diapers, and baby clothes, and handmade booties. I had to give myself permission to buy these things, to store in my own hope "chest". Once when I was in a cloth diapering store I confessed to the salesperson that I felt silly for spending so much time in that store when I wasn't pregnant and wasn't even sure if I could get pregnant. And she was so kind in her response, "Well I have two boys, not babies, and I'm not even sure if I will ever have another baby, but when I see something that I love I snatch it up, because who knows? Maybe one day. And it makes me happy to do this and gives me hope. There is nothing wrong with that."

And so I have slowly been adding to my hope chest, stuff that I make and stuff that I buy, because it makes me happy to do so, and it gives me hope. And there's nothing wrong with that. Plus, I get a cuddly blanket. Win-Win!