Attachment Parenting by Accident

I'm not going to go into great detail defining AP but in a nut shell it includes the 7 B's:

Birth bonding

Breastfeeding

Babywearing

Bed close to baby (co-sleeping)

Belief baby's cry is communication

Beware baby trainer

Balance 

When I was pregnant I was curios about this. Mostly I thought it was too much but I didn't really know anyone who parented this way so I thought maybe I wasn't being fair and that I should research this. After my first baby was born, I read a few books and found that this form of parenting is flexible. You don't have to do it all, just what works for your family. In that light I bet there are many more people who are attachment parenting (AP) who don't even realize it. I also found that I was already parenting this way and didn't know it. I was doing what I needed to survive and it turns out that meant AP.

Here are the ways I found myself in the AP community:

First moments with my second son

Birth Bonding- When my son was born we did skin to skin, both my husband and myself. This is a very common practice in hospitals now as well, and I'm glad it is so. Those first few moments are so special and surreal.

Post-nursing coma. I cherished those sweet moments

Breastfeeding- My goal was to breastfeed. How long was not clear in my vision. I really wanted to make it to 12 months, but since I was going back to work at 5 months, I was prepared not to make it. Pumping on a teacher's schedule makes it hard to keep the milk supply up especially as I would not be able to pump as often as my little one was demanding at home, plus the pump just isn't as powerful at expressing milk as the baby. But I came home everyday for lunch to nurse and I believe that was a huge factor in helping me make it to 12 months and beyond. After twelve months I had no real plan as to when we would finish. Breastfeeding was such a special time of bonding for me and my boy, it forced us both to slow down and cuddle and just be in each other's presence. I was in no rush to end this special time. I was fully prepared to go until my little boy decided he had enough, even if that meant to 3 or 4 years old. Have I completely shocked you/grossed you out? You know, before my baby this would have grossed me out too, but I can't explain how much I loved the time I spent with my boy nursing. So judge if you must, but in my mind it was a truly beautiful time that I was not going to force to end. Only I kinda did on accident. I got pregnant when my boy was 18 months. He still nursed but my milk must have changed because by the time he was 27 months he had completely weaned on his own.

This is how we do chores in my house

Babywearing- Ugh! This one! I was interested in wearing the baby, I mean, heck, I even registered for a ring sling and woven wrap, and I already owned a buckle carrier, but boy did this one completely take over my life. My baby, HATED with a passion all things that made him recline on his back: the bouncer, the swing, the rocker, the car seat! And my baby was HUGE! I needed to get things done at home, like feed myself, and the carriers were my only way to do this. He basically lived in the carrier until he was able to go in the jumper. Both my husband and I became experts at tying a mei tai. Truth be told, if I had the option of wearing the baby all the time or not, I would choose the latter. Our backs have paid the price of carrying a baby nearly constantly. But, the carriers did provide a freedom that we greatly needed. and sometimes strollers are more of a pain and a carrier is ideal (hiking, airports, stairs, any place that is super crowded). And this time around, with this baby, well let's just say we were well prepared for this one because of the rigorous training our first put us through (I'm wearing him now as he naps and I type).

This sweet moment, brought to you by co-sleeping

Co-sleeping- This one has a wide range of appearances. Baby can share the bed with parents, or sleep in a co-sleeper attached to the bed, or sleep in a crib/bassinet/cradle/etc. in the same room as the parent. We did the first. I actually had a crib, but my son nursed every 1 to 1.5 hours, and I was exhausted. I could not take getting woken up that often, and so a sweet mentor came and taught me how to nurse lying down (side-lying nursing) and changed my life. And then I grew accustomed to this arrangement, and then I grew to love it. It is one of my favorite things to open my eyes in the morning and have my son's peaceful, sleeping face be the first thing I see.

I think this baby is communicating how much he loves the dinner I made him...or not.

Belief that baby's cry is communication- The word that sticks out to me is cry. Oh boy, did my kid cry. He had colic for the first 3 months. He never stopped crying until we held him (hence the babywearing). But I think that he trained us to respond to him, and that in turn taught him to trust that we would always be there for him. A lesson I hope he carries with him forever.

My mold-breaking boy

Beware the Baby Trainer- Not really sure how this one applied to us, except that every time I read or heard someone describe what is a reasonable expectation for a baby,  I could not relate because my sparkler broke the mold, and still is breaking molds. So I have basically given up trying to set expectations for who my kids should be and how they should behave. I will let them show me for themselves who they are.

Balance means making time to dwell in sacred moments that fill up my cup

Balance- This is the mantra of my life. At the beginning of my parenting journey I completely surrendered my needs and desires to meet those of my son. That was not healthy for me, and I am learning to take care of myself, to fill up my cup when I need it, so I am better prepared to be the best parent I can be. But don't look too closely right now, I have an infant and they take over for the first few months no matter what.

How about you? How many of the 7 B's do you see in your parenting journey? You might be more of an AP parent than you realized.

The Magic Blanket

A few years ago I started working on a blanket for myself. I realized that everything I made I gifted to others. I love making things out of yarn and giving them to friends and family and since I'm slow at EVERYTHING, including crocheting, I never had time to make something for myself. So I decided to make a blanket for our bed. This was also around the time that I had become aware of my infertility issues.

Crocheting has always been a great release for me. The rhythm of the patterns and stitches is soothing and relaxing. And so perhaps I threw myself into such a great project at that time in an effort to distract myself. Perhaps. Sounds like something my subconscious would do. About a year after starting this project I found out I was pregnant. Joy of joys, and wonder of wonders! And what better gift to myself than to finish this blanket that I was SLOWLY working on (typical Susanne). So I challenged myself to finish this beast before the birth on my first son.

I tried. I really did, but I failed. And the following two years found me overwhelmed by the chaos of raising my sparkler child (this is how La Leche League refers to a child like mine, as opposed to the titles that have crossed my mind like "monster" or "demon child,"- way more P.C. and gracious). But I would try from time to time to pick up my blanket and get a row in. Then my son would scream, cry, get into/climb on/put into his mouth something he was not supposed to, and that was that.

So when I found out I was pregnant again, I challenged myself to FINISH THE BLANKET! Because if I didn't get it done now, I probably never would. So I enlisted the help of my husband and figured that if I completed two rows a week I would be done three weeks before the baby was due. And with my plan in place I made great progress in the beginning, but old habits crept back in and I found myself more and more behind schedule.

I found a surge of motivation the last month and a half of my pregnancy. I was so close to finishing, it would be down to the wire and so very close to my due date. And then, with only two more rows remaining, I went into labor 5 days early. My labor was long (again) and when 12 hours came and went I decided I needed to be distracted. Enter the nearly finished blanket to the rescue!!! I sat on my birthing ball and worked, focusing on my stitches as the contractions began, breathing through the contractions, and picking up the stitches when they passed. The imminent arrival of my baby pushed me to work quickly and diligently (only his arrival really wasn't as close as I had imagined, and I would be in labor for much longer than I had ever expected for this, my second time around). And I finished!!! I did it!!!

The only thing left is to hide the tails in each row, but I still think this counts as being done. (I hate hiding tails, and I have no idea how long it will take me to finish that- years I suspect). I love the way it came out, and I love that I have this story that goes along with this blanket. It will forever remind me of that sacred and primal time when my body and my son worked together so I could hold my baby in my arms and look into his precious eyes- Magic. The magic blanket.