How big was your baby?
Big (9lbs 11oz)
Did you have him naturally?
Yes
How did you do that? Why would you do that?
Well there are no drugs available at my home, so that is how I did it naturally. I absolutely would have agreed to an epidural where I in a hospital. In a way, I think I took the chicken's way out because if I were in a hospital I would not be strong enough to say no to drugs. So I chose a home birth where that would not be an option thereby hedging my bets that I would have a natural birth. Just playing the odds, folks, playing the odds. Oh! and I have a phobia of hospitals, so that is really the last place I would want to be ever for anything. As for the why, well, this is just something I wanted to do for my children. This is a difficult question for me to answer, because I don't want people to think that I am judging them, because I am not. I think birth is crazy intense, and we mamas do what we need to do to make sure that we have healthy babies. All mamas are amazing warriors! All mamas! And I am so grateful for the medical advances we have made to protect the lives of babies and mamas that previously may have died or been seriously injured during birth. But other than those rare cases, I believe birth not to be a sickness/illness and am not fond of the hospital models of treating pregnancies and birth as such. If you know me at all, then you know how I strive to live a natural and raw/pure lifestyle. I have a long way to go on this journey, but this is why I chose to labor and birth my babies at home, in their natural habitat if you will.
Was there a mess?
Um, yeah, birth is messy, no matter where you go. But my midwife and her team took care of it all so I didn't have to, just like they do at a hospital.
Did you have a water birth?
Yes! I love me some birthing tub!!! It was the closest thing to an epidural. Really did help with the pain! Big thumbs up!
How long was your labor?
Long (21 hours), though my midwife said I was well within average for a first time mom.
How was it?
Intense, tiring, long, beautiful, surreal.
Would you do it again?
Oh Yeah! and I did.
Why?
For the same reasons I chose to the first time. In a nut shell, I believe it is what is best for my children and for me.
Was it what you expected?
Not really. Have you seen The Business of Being Born, the documentary by Rikki Lake? If not I highly recommend it. It helped me to view birth as a beautiful and sacred event, very different from what I previously thought, thanks to the media. There is this one woman who looks focused and serene as she is having a contraction. And that's what I wanted instead of all the screaming you see in movies. Only I ended up sounding exactly like the movies. J jokes that he couldn't believe the neighbors didn't call the cops on us. It was intense and the fight or flight instinct took over in my body. It was in this primal place that I lived for most of the labor. But since I was at home there were key details in place that were crucial to my success in reaching my birthing goal, namely food and not having to have my labor follow any pre-established progress timetable (basically being left alone to allow my labor to unfold in its own way). I had complete trust in my midwife and she in turn had trust in my body. So, it was not the serene experience I wanted but it was an affirming experience that changed me in many ways, many important ways.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years and I was in the same place with the same birthing team (mostly) in labor once again. Prior to that day I had to work through the fear I had of how difficult it was the last time. For the most part I did, but on that day I had to face the fears that were quietly taunting me ever since I found out I was pregnant.
My biggest fear was not doubting my body's ability to give birth, I knew I could, and birth a large baby at that. No, my biggest fear was the pain and how long I would have to suffer and how drained it would leave me. Throughout my pregnancy I was assured that this time would be quicker because my body would remember, plus the baby felt smaller.
In a nut shell, my labor was longer and when I reached the 21 hour mark and still no baby I had a choice to make, lose hope and doubt my body, or persevere and laugh at the ridiculousness that once again I was having another long and difficult labor. I chose to laugh and settle in for the long haul. I was going to meet this baby and I wanted to meet him at home. The only way to do that was to breathe deeply, stay positive, and get to the other end of this labor. Turns out that would be 7 more hours.
Things that I learned this time around
My body makes big babies, and I have long labors. Good to know if I ever find myself here again. Also, I labor best in solitude- my labor slowed almost every time my midwife or her assistants were around.
Things that were different
I was quieter this time focusing on using my breathe to help rather than only reacting to the pain. I had high spirits throughout. My midwife's assistants showered me with praise and affirmations and oh my! how powerful their words were to me. They gave me strength and courage and confidence with each push. It was amazing. They may never know how powerful their words were. I needed them! God knew.
Things that were better this time
Well this might be TMI but I didn't tear which is in large part due to how slowly my son made his way out. I was more rested after 28 hours of labor than I was after the 21 of last time. I think this is because my pain management techniques were more efficient, and also I just let myself rest and nap when I needed to because I knew I would need energy for the pushing and the postpartum recovery. And the pushing was shorter this time so I wasn't completely wiped out this time. But the best thing of all, I was actually able to catch my baby!!! J wanted to do it, but I needed his support in the tub once again. Last time I was way too tired to do it, I just wanted the baby out. But this time after pushing out the head my midwife told me with the next push I would be able to reach down and catch my baby. And I did! And it was amazing! My hands were the first to touch him on the outside of my protective womb. And it was love at first sight! Love and kisses and giggles. Thanks to that gorgeous oxytocin rush, another thing that was better this time.
I could go on and on but this post is already too long. If you have questions about home births or my labors, feel free to ask. I love this topic. And hopefully I have demystified home births a little.
P.S.- I didn't even go into how amazing my dogs were during the whole process. It's like they knew I was entering their world and they held the space for me. Plus it pretty amazing to see moments of the dogs meeting the new pack member and welcoming him in.
No comments:
Post a Comment