I know, you think I'm crazy...

So most of you who read this already know what I am about to say. But there may be some out there who don't know, and I find myself nervous to say it for their sake. I guess I am dreading the judgement about to come. It's not like I haven't already received my share of judgement. In fact, all but maybe 2 people that I have told have totally passed judgement, with their eyes, their silence, and sometimes their words. So here it goes...

My intention is to meet this child for the first time in my own home. Translation = I am having a home birth.

When you tell people this, their response is usually... well, here, Jim Gaffigan nailed it:

Best line = "I wanted a home birth, but I wanted my baby to live." Hilarious. The truth in this line is so great. When I tell people that I am doing a home birth, the look in their eye tells me that they think I am crazy, and clearly I do not love this child because if I did I would not endanger its life by doing something so risky.

Are there risks, yes, but no more than I would face if I had the baby in the hospital. The risks are just different. In order for me to be considered for a home birth I had to take all the initial tests that any pregnant woman would. In fact I did take those tests at my Ob/Gyn's office. And all was well. If there were any serious concerns I would not be able to have a home birth.

I guess the main reasons for my decision are that:

• I want this experience to be a sacred one, and I have a phobia of hospitals so that would be difficult for me to find in hospital.
• I believe in the miraculous design of the woman's body and its ability to bring life into this world.
• I try to live a natural lifestyle, meaning, I try to limit the amount of processed and institutional influences in my life, in what I eat, in how I care for my home, in they ways I treat my ailments, etc. So it seems that having the baby at home was the most natural place to do this, at least to me.
• I think natural births are beautiful, and I would love to be part of that beautiful tradition.
• I trust my body. I am very in-tune with my body. I try my best to listen to it when it speaks to me, and I am excited to hear it speak to me as it prepares to open up and make room for life.
• I was really disappointed when I was told that I would probably only meet my Ob/Gyn on the day I delivered the baby. I want a bond/relationship with the person who is going to be there for this unique moment.
• It feels right in my soul. My heart is at peace with this idea and plan, so I will proceed until I feel otherwise.

Just because I was on board did not mean that my husband was on board. I had read books, and articles, and described to him the birthing experience that I wanted and how a home birth or a birthing center were the best way for me to have those experiences. He had started to come around, but what sealed the deal was watching "The Business of Being Born".

In this documentary there is a woman who is filmed having her baby and she looked serene. It was a beautiful birth, she looked relaxed, at peace and beautiful. She pushed out the baby with hardly a grunt and there was no fuss, no anxiety, just love and peace. When he saw that, he was amazed. "I want you to have that kind of experience" he said. And so do I.

So that is why my intention is to have a home birth. I know that something may happen that may prevent a home birth from happening, so I am trying to remain open minded, and thankful for hospitals. Yet, I would be lying if I denied that I really really hope I have, and I really really want the birthing experience I have dreamed of. For now, I am just doing the best I can to take care of myself, and my little one. I am following the directions and guidance of my midwife, and I am trusting in the one who made this all possible.

So, yes, I know you think I'm crazy, but you know love makes us do crazy things, and for me this is one of them.