Dreams

I don't usually remember my dreams. I know allot of people think that if you don't dream then something must be wrong with you, especially since dreams have so much to tell us about ourselves. But, I really don't remember my dreams. I won't say that I don't dream, because I probably do, but it is rare that I wake up remembering what was going on in my mind while my eyes were shut. Still, occasionally I will wake myself up laughing, crying, or kicking (I once slapped Jonathan in the chest because I was playing basketball in my dreams). Laughing is the best. I love those dreams. It is always better to be awaken by your own giggling.

About 6 months ago I woke up with tears, but it was the BEST. DREAM. EVER! It was around my birthday, and for some irrational reason I was convinced that January was gonna by my month. We were gonna "score a goal". So that month, of course, I was hyper-vigilant, I took my temps accurately, I made sure we were timing our husband and wifely duties well, I even put my legs up in the air afterwards to see if I could help gravity at all.

One night, after I had already ovulated, I had a dream that I had given birth. It was beautiful, and exactly how I had hoped it would be. Then, suddenly, I was sitting in my recliner and someone handed me my baby. A girl!!! She looked more like a 6 month old rather than a new born, but it was a dream so it made sense by the dream-reality rules.

As I looked down at her, I kept thinking that this little girl looked exactly like what Snow White must have looked like when she was a baby, except that in place of blue eyes she had stunning yellowish eyes. Round face, pale skin, raven hair, huge eyes, like her mama, but a golden hazel color. Gorgeous! At least I thought so. And there I was holding her, trying to get her to nurse. She struggled at first, but after a while she finally latched on. I was thrilled! All I could think was, "You're doing it, precious! I am so proud of you. You are amazing. You figured this out all on your own. Good job! I love you so much!" And as those thoughts repeated over and over in my head, tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. And that is how I woke up, with a huge smile, and a wet pillow with wet cheeks.

Over time I usually forget the dreams that I am actually able to remember upon waking. But there are a handful that have stayed with me. This is one of them. And I am so glad I have this dream to encourage me to look forward to what is still to come. While I didn't conceive in January, in a way, I did have my baby. I held her, and I was overcome by the love I felt for her. And I can't wait to meet her one day. One day.